By being yourself, you put something in the world that wasn’t there before- Edwin Elliot
Who would have thought that these little things matter? Who would have thought that simple words could have therapeutic effects? I could not control the thrill of excitement that surged over my body.Was this what it meant to be in love with someone?All these impulses I felt because of a simple lexicon- ”Kpele dearie, those boiz no sabi play anything at all at all. Hope say you don chop”? That was bae quizzing me over our WhatsApp conversation.
Two days ago, the Super Eagles of Nigeria began their World Cup campaign on a disappointing note where they were outplayed and defeated. Knowing that football happens to be my hobbyhorse, she wanted to be sure I took the defeat in good faith. It wasn’t her concern that got me, but the manner with which the question was asked.For the first time in a long while; I was falling in love with someone who was also in love with me.
At this point, it was no longer predicated on her beauty or intelligence. What was obvious is that if it was a binary decision between humour and manners, it was an easy choice to make on the spot. Considering her background and how polished her diction is, it was shocking to see those “pidgin” words pop-up on my screen. To have someone finally feel so comfortable around you is a better compliment than being in love.
Now, here’s the thing.
From the first day you meet someone, there’s that tendency to put up a certain face or behave in a certain way. You find yourself brooding over thoughts- thoughts of how you should walk, smile, eat or laugh. Months later, the calls between you two become increasingly longer. From small talks of “how are you” and “how’s work been”, it blooms into suggestive talks of endearments.
You find yourself at the water’s edge, standing in the same place you feel safest, yet wanting to test the depth. You’d love to have him hold you in high esteem, but you silently wish he instigate those dirty talks over the phone. Those final pieces of the jigsaw to what you want are always the hardest to find.You have your work cut out not just to ensure that his respect for you does not wane, but also to eliminate the straight-jacketed approach between both parties.
You are always tempted to let your guard, but again, you’re also quick enough to contain your impulses. No, this is wrong, a voice always caution. Get a grip on yourself. This is the other side you battle with; the side that creates bouts of doubt over the adventure of your feelings. The feel-good factor from the conversations appear to be dissipated by the uncertainly of crossing each others boundary.You are so scared in letting him see you without the make-ups or wigs.
Apparently, it’s a war both sex fight most times.
There’s a silent thought within you- she could think less of me if I don’t wear my Versace wrist watch. Hence, you’re not sure when it is right to open up, to be yourself. In truth, respect is earned but not everyone slots in.
Actually, these actions reel of lack of confidence. And originality.
Once two people become an item, and the fanfare of their early meetings has died down, more should follow.
Sadly, we’re all actors, forgetting that the aim of every relationship is to be more of you everyday.
When you’re living a lie as yourself, someday, words like, “I didn’t know you’re like this” will surely spill from the opposite sex. If you have to be overly careful about what you say or do around your partner, you need to re-assess that relationship.
You could make the arguments for, or against, that mutual respect amongst partners is important than being yourself, and being free. So, I thought we’d write this article together.
Be my muse in the comment section below.